Dear Diary : When Love Never Ends !

Dear Diary,

What's the best thing about a love letter?

  It 's short and full of feelings and u have music, u dance and simultaneously u have that awkward moment when ur mom is asking u something and ur in ur crush's dreamworld! hahaha and smiling and thinking and blah blah blah ..

“I wish every envelope enclosed a love letter. It’s this hope that leads me to open strangers’ mail. So you see, I’m a romantic, not an gov. employee.” 

Don't ever let ur crush, love go ! especially when they love u how u r seriously . since i didn't reply my love letter through this i want to answer him .

.Dear ******,
I am writing you this letter to tell you how much you mean to me, and to thank you for coming into my life. You are something I never thought could exist for me. You are one of the best things that has happened in my life, and I don't regret being with you.

I have been through many relationships, but didn't really take them seriously. I was used and played by a guy who I really loved. So I decided to play guys the same way that guy once played me. I wasn't born a bitch, it's just a guy made me this way. Since then I have not taken chances with a guy. But you happened, you came into my life and stole my heart from the day I saw you.

At first I was confused, didn't really know what I wanted, I didn't know if I would want to take a chance again and actually take you seriously. So, I decided to come close to you as a friend and find out who you truly were and what you were like. You seemed cool, nice and funny some things I really liked in a guy. So I took a chance and got with you.

In the beginning, things didn't seem that well, I actually had my doubts about you. I wasn't sure you were actually taking me seriously or i am taking u seriously. But, it was too late to look back; I had already fallen for you since the day I met you and I wasn't really looking forward to giving up too soon. I tried so hard to have you, I wasn't going to let you go so easily!

Well, time has passed and I have discovered new things and a new me. You have truly changed me. Still, in a way, I'm scared 'cause I am actually growing a true feeling inside my heart which I just cant explain, but I know you have got a better girl now and i am so happy. I truly don't know what your feelings are but I don't want to force you in telling me what you don't feel towards me. I would want to receive love and trust from you when you truly mean it. All I ask from you is to show me you care and not hide anything, to also have trust in me the way I do in you.

Love always,
Mayuri

It's emotional :') he went along as i never told him what my feelings were , May be it was destined , but since then i had nobody in my life more important ! just wanted u to know :')gotto go diary.c u tomorrow 

LOVE XOXO
Mayuri
25/10/2014

Dear Diary : Love Letter

Dear Diary,

I feel the same for you !

  MY 7th, 8th , class were alright things going beside me were just failure in everything but i      started to ignore n moved on 9th was a section change class . I was again in "D" section . my friends and i separated ,i thought may be god even doesn't want our friendship to workout . i made new friends "M." and "S" . M was a mentor to me n supported me a lot we were knowing each other since childhood through V.B.S (vacation bible school) It was all a new feeling having a bff, mentor, sister whose spent most of the time with me in school , at tuition, on phone , shopping etc. somehow i started feeling life is going to change now and be in my favor this year , i started studying again , grades were improved but as usual my mom always had a prob with my friend M., i had whole lot of my class as friends . S was havin a boyfriend and used to cut hands for him if anything go wrong between them. and i felt that as a showoff because in our school or i can say in our city this was the hot topic that guys, girls used to cut hands. my thinking was since 14 years your mom dad is bringing u up either in ur bad times or ur good time u never cut hands for them n here come a 4 months guy in ur life and u cut hands wen he's hurting you . LOVE is not FORCIBLE  . during these things many things were happening i had a friend whom i knew through church .He was sweet right! *blush* even now my face glows when i talk about him . that was a strange feeling because according to me "i wasn't a person who could ever fall in love " one fine day S's bf got me a letter through him . a love letter which goes : really short and sweet 

"You And I Are Going To Be Okay. You Know That Right?"

and he asked for a reply , i was soo boyish that i didn't know what to reply.? hahah days passed ,everyday S's bf used to ask me did u write the reply and somehow he even wanted me to say yes for him i asked M she said he's sweet and genuine . i told her whenever i go to church every friend of his is staring at me i had a doubt he told everyone that i am already his gf before and now they would want to c us together so he's  making an attempt to ask me out. I somehow felt he's saying this just because of his REPO . but even i was attached to him and never wanted him to go ......and....... finally.......the decision..

I know diary you want to know but SUSPENSE is what i loveeeeee yayyy
okhay bye !
and for those who think my blog is kiddish lemme tell you all maturity is yet to come i wasn't mature at the age of 5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13 get it i learn a lot from my life and i am still learning somehow i am a little mature now  .

LOVE XOXO
MAYURI
24/10/2014

Dear Diary : The Suicide and Rumors

Dear Diary,

many things happened ................. 

Ma'am dragged me to the principal n she gave me a scolding, i moved back to the class and nobody was talking to me i was like a public figure ,that too in a bad way. I was expecting a hand from my friends and they did come once to ask what happened ? why did you write that? and stuff then my class teacher came up and excused me from the class . she asked me why did u write that i told her i was helpless i know i wouldn't have done it but i have the habit of writing in anger i do it at home too ma'am . she asked what's wrong with your parents . i told her they fight i feel like they would kill each other someday moreover everybody loves my brother more than me :'( i have nobody to care about me n now wen i have failed she would just murder me . after saying this i told her her please don't call my parents from home as whenever they get to know this either they will kill me or will kill themselves. but they did and finally daddy came to school he got a lecture from principal i was called too i made them believe that i was just writing n suicide was just the wrong term i used nobody told me anything i went back home mommy daddy nobody was talking to me n whenever from that day i used to do mistakes i used to be taunted by saying "now we can't even shout otherwise she'll commit suicide" other day my ma'am told how's everybody at home are they treating u? well i just thought they treated me well from the beginning the thing which i was having a problem was with their fights and there "devotional love" towards my brother as he was getting more praise by everybody .BUT wen a rumor or fact is spread it gets additional talks too n they added more to my fact that my mother tried to kill me and i even heard that i am having a step mother OH MY GOD . from then on the fact actually became a rumor to me but a fact for others till 10th grade i used to hear a lot i got depressed hearing these until i read a quote.

To everybody whose dealing with depression and ever thinks to do suicide and end up i want you to ask yourself why always god gives problems to you?

(you might have asked and cursed god for this question many times i know)

the answer is "the person who doesn't have problems in life never  values his achievements later , god gives problems to those ppl only who can bare it , and who can't bare them and don't believe in him god shows them many things" for facts :

Untimely Deaths of Famous People Who Mocked God

After saying that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ, John Lennon was shot 6 times-Fiction!

After saying that only God could remove him from office a Brazilian president elect died before his inauguration- Unproven!

Brazilian singer Cazuza died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER after blowing cigarette smoke at God - Fiction!

Actress Marilyn Monroe told Billy Graham that she did not need Jesus and died shortly afterwards-  Fiction!

The man who built the Titanic said "Not even God can sink it!" - Unproven!

HAVE HOPE AND BE HUMAN
because theirs a big difference in human being and being human !

LODS OF LOVE and HAPPY DIWALI
Mayuri 
22/10/2014

Dear Diary : The Suicide

Dear Diary,

Remember i did have hope
and
life is not giving up !
-read my next part of this story.

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this life's not meant for me.
Thank you for all your love, for all the time we shared,
It means the world to me, to know that someone cared.

Class 5th and story continues .........

I was 10 n half i remember just entered my 6th grade History, eco, geo, politics were my newest subject then . New class, New year ,new hopes that's how we start right? so did i .. i was happy to b in a new section though it was a "D" section . my bff was then there with me (u know who) and my mom got transferred back to us permanently i was appreciated for my handwriting and ma'am d****e  liked me then but as times change things go opp. i was least interested in history as the answers were too long , i never wanted to study too. i felt it a crap! then 1st unit came and I failed (quite obvio) but was a shock to me as i never failed n school result was a world to me then what bad could hav happened ma'am consoled me and i was crying i remember . diary , i was having a habit of writing whenever i am sad , so i tore a page wrote a suicidal letter as i was afraid of mom dad and what would other ppl tok about me , my aunt every sat. used to come over our place n used to say she's going to run away , she lies and stuff (all bad) since my mom had nobody as friends she was friends with her. so... wen i got failed i was like having many things in mind 1stly i used to think that my biggest jinx is my baby brother as everybody loves him more than me even my aunt used to b like he's cute, intelligent. and used to neglect me my father too is very obsessed,protected for my brother. my mom too used to tok to him more. i wasnt allowed to go to the park. or sit in hall with everyone when anyone would come home . and wen i asked the reason why mom used to say "b in ur limits  n stop questioning" yea whatever i wrote that time "i m going to  commit suicide as my parents don't love me and they're going to kill me wen they c my result  mom, dad , brother you never would have loved me but i always did n for your happiness m going away" that sudden moment ma'am saw me she wanted to snatch my page off but i had a grip to it too she then slapped me i took away the page read it loudly dragged me to the staff room (yea dragged me) and told evry single teacher there , i told her i wanted to write successful but i wrote suicide (i cant fool a teacher 30 years older to me) every teacher was talking about me , i was crying sobing. n many things happened .................

 LOng story diary sorry for not coming for these many days having problems and lods of work meet you tomorrow ..

BYE
LOVE xoxo
MAYURI 
21/10/2014

Dear Diary,

             A Simple Truth

My story is simple to understand. I was betrayed. This isn't a sob story, but a simple truth that I've come to know through experience. There is an invisible line that has to be drawn when you befriend some one, one that dictate's how far a friend would go for that other friend. I know I sound callous, but if you had to go through what I went through then you'd understand where I'm coming from.

Every friend that I've had has betrayed me in some way. They all used me to get what they wanted then dumped me off because I was no longer of use to them. They also talked about me behind my back, played pranks and cruel jokes on me for a laugh as well. What did I do? I let them because I was too afraid to stand up for myself because I was scared of loosing the only friends that I had at the time. 

I don't want anyone's pity because I knowingly let myself be a doormat. I just wished I would've realized sooner that I didn't have to be a pathetic doormat to have friends. That I could be strong and resilient and, have self respect. People pitied me for it because they knew how naive I was at the time. Now that I look back, I see how stupid I was, but that part of my life is over and those people no longer matter.

I'm giving you this very short and cliff noted version of my jilted past friendships to help anyone who has felt betrayed by their friends. If a friend treats you like crap they are not your friends. You deserve better than to be treated like a doormat. Don't be like me, stand up for yourself!

I'm not saying that I didn't eventually see the light, but it was pretty much too late to really do anything about it. So, I feel that by writing this story I can enlighten you all to a simple truth, a true friend loves you for who you are and doesn't  constantly try to mold you into another person. Also, sometimes the only person you have is yourself and if you learn to stand alone you are tougher than them, because they are weak minded. Only weak minded people choose to taunt and tease people.

That's all I have to say.....

LOVE XOXO
Mayuri
19/10/2014

Dear Diary: God Wanted

"On The Path Where No One Ever Goes  

There, Alone She Stood 

Holding Back All her woes.

All Her Pain She Never Shows,

Sitting Quietly Under The Wood.
On The path Where No One Ever Goes.

Crawling In between The Rows,
Trying To Escape From The Cruel Hood.
Holding Back All Her Woes.

Running Away From Her Foes,
Far, As Far As She could.
On The Path Where No One Ever Goes.

Walking Ahead Her toes,
Tripping &Falling As she Would.
On The Path Where No One Ever Goes,
Holding Back All Her Woes."                    -Rachit Agrawal (My Friend)

But the worst and the best was yet to come ............. God Wanted

I passed 3rd standard with 92% i was quite satisfied and happy on the contrary mother wasn't .

I had no idea what is going to happen next in my life i had hopes of success but never knew that God had planned lots of struggles . 4th standard , i was a bright student then too was a captain i remember . one day my friends and i were playing during recess and after that we had Our Information Technology period . we went to class and always we had to have a partner for computers all bffs used to make pairs so did i , I went to ***** told her let's go  ! she made  a cranky face , said nothing and moved along with her other friend's .we reached the Lab i asked her again about the partner thing she replied "stay away Mayuri, My mother has told me be partners with toppers and you're not one of them" GOD ! ,if you'have read previous story i told u about snatching my timetable actually that friend was her . because of her i betrayed my parents my teachers , they did  asked  the reason why didn't i showed them the timetable , since i never wanted her to get scolded i didn't took her name . and that girl is telling me this . that day i sat alone in class (it pinned me)

And today is the worst memory

she stopped talking to me that day and i tried so hard to become her friend again,

i dropped down in studies , i wrote her letters and till date i think about what mistake i did? 

Class 5th and story continues .........

******* and i are just fb friends today more a like strangers , theres more to this friendship i'll let u know soon it's late i have to complete my assignment .

Lots Of Love
XOXO
MAYURI 
18/10/2014

Dear Diary : My First Lie

Dear Diary,

"A Lil Pain, A Little Pleasure,
A Lil Rising Up of Measure.
Then No More Walking Up In Pain,
All The Prayers I Cried In Vain.

Where is the time for hope or doubt?
A call from heaven and life is out.
I let go my tears quietly in rain,
All the prayers i cried in vain.

Time Is Limitless, It Has No Bound,
I Cry ALoud, They Bear No Sound.
Death Is Only The Deathless Aim,
All The Prayers I Cried In Vain

It's Hard To Believe I Might Not Be Alive,
I Craved For Happiness All Through My Life.
So Here Comes My Time Crawling In Pain,
All The Prayers I cried In Vain."                       - By: Rachit Agrawal (my friend)

Still in my memory.......My First Lie

I was eight , i remember and there comes a time where i started destroying myself . you must have heard each year ppl grow n with them grown is there fate. but opp. to mine I was in 3rd standard then . friends were the world to me . suddenly my friends come snatched my timetable n went away i was like OK since ma'am told students to not to give time table if anyone asks , i begged but nobody gave me the schedule . School got over i came back home my mom asked did u get the time table i was like no i didn't. (My first lie) and then i started lying  to her daily of time table n the final examination started i gave my hundred percent and last exam was to come . it rained heavily , i felt somethings bad gonna happen , so it did ; my bag got wet as i was coming back from school to home mother took out all the note books and kept it under the fan letting it dry, suddenly she saw my test copies (test copies were returned to students before final exams for parents to see how should they work harder on there child's performance during final examination) she doubted and asked i lied again ("once a Doubt forever a doubt" i realize now) next day when i was giving my last exam i saw my mom at school my heart beat got so fast . That day Ma'am told her everything that exams are going and how m i performing . shocking was that most examination papers were  corrected and ma'am told mommy that i scored 90 above in all. But there comes a "BUT" a "BIG BUT" actually  .i came back home i was afraid she would kill me , beat me, throw me out of the house etc etc . i cried like anything my mom came to me hugged me and said "u have lied and lie would never take you to success u worked hard i know but u lied to me it'll be hard for me to trust u, but My Mother Duty tells me to stand beside you , even if u fail." that sentence was soo beautiful , i thought what opinions i have about my mother were always wrong . I started loving her lil bit but the worst and the best was yet to come ............. 

Enough for today Diary, i know you're enjoying 

see you tomorrow

LOVE XOXO
MAYURI 
17/10/2014

Dear Diary : Introduction - Eighteen years from now.

Dear Diary,

My name is Mayuri Hendricks ,just got eighteen on this 13th of October. I know people have many hobbies and they have it since there childhood , and finally i started writing . Teens are full of life , emotional drama, boyfriends ,girlfriends, friends, etc etc :there life is full of fun except me. I prefer to be self concerned i want to be a celebrity *Prettiest one* but m FAT. n moreover ugly acc. to me . since , i have been late to start a diary i should start it from the beginning .

Eighteen years from now is a journey of each year  how i struggled, how am i managing  things, my failure, my love, my friends , my betrayal and many more .

When an infant is born parents plan a future from themselves n there child , so it was with me too, i was born in Lakhnadon a village in Madhya Pradesh India ,but we were from Jabalpur since there were no hospitals we went to Lakhnadon. Birth timing 12:20pm . you must be thinking why i wrote timings its because i truly believe in destiny and god . 

And the name was Hendricks , "Mayuri Hendricks" !

rare birth date, rare name . OMG ! my childhood was without my mother, (she ain't dead) she used to work some other city and i used to be with my father. My father and i share a bond of  love, friendship, and most importantly a mother . 3 years passed and finally there was a new member in our family Malcolm Hendricks my lil baby brother , you av no idea how possessive i am about him from his birth, i'll upload photographs in which i was like not letting anybody touch my baby brother in get together  at home (christening) so angry i was afraid , that someone would just take him away from me . m a mother,father,sister,friend,consultant and everything for him . we started growing up my mother went back to Katni for work and daddy i and brother were at Jablapur . I started my KG 1 session so excited to go to school , my father always had made tiffin boxes for both of us till date he does . personally i dont remember much but i was a shy kid , had always a best friend (nagma) who never thought we were bff school life was going very good, but home was a disaster . I was afraid of my mother , we never shared a bond , we were like strangers to each other . my mother used to fight with my daddy n i always thought my mother is wrong . she was never happy about my percentage, or anything thing which she knew was I want to make my daughter a DOCTER . time passed , she started fighting more , proportionally i started hating her more that time also she wasnt living with us , she was working in Jhansi she got transferring . she used to beat me up, i used to think m i a threat to her , m i a jinx to this family , just think a 5 year old child thinking this way , bit matured right . Life has made me mature fast . i used to think things will never be changed . i wont ever have  a happy life parents fighting , relatives at home making them understand , that video memory is still in my memory ... ...........

But dont Worry diary things will change, theres someone on this world watching and protecting you. and he will change life but you have to wait for the next it's late i have to go.

Love XOXO
Mayuri (moon)
16/10/2014